M E N T O R I N G

Jwalamukhi Ke Phool lucidly limns-out the way Chankaya grooms Chandra into the best Indian king ever. Importance of mentoring in The-Making-of-The-Chandragupta-Maurya is permeant. People may rub it off as a worn-out concept or a thing of the lore. But I say that’s a myopic view. Mentoring as a culture should be a key pillar of every corporate strategy. Youngsters need somebody who can guide them, advise them and shape their actions towards the desired vision.

“India is not a land of above billion populations rather a land of above billion Leaders”

When I board a Delhi bound train from Ludhiana, in that general compartment, I instantly find myself amidst an instinctively-repulsive melee. But then I allow myself to settle, and study around my comrades in this sweltering strenuous journey. Almost 90% of them are below 25. I ask a gutkha-chewing 12 year: ‘So, what do you do?’ The get-up-and-go promptly replies that he is working for a small-scale industry in the capital for 1500 per month. The Infosys-nescient juvenile nonchalantly conspires that money today lies in computers and he is thinking of soon making a move. All that this all-pumped-up-for-action confident youth needs is a direction. More than 70% of Indians are below 35 years. What does it say? It says abundance of endangered energy is lying to be guided in the right direction.

“B-School may manufacture a mANAGER, but only Gurukul can create a true Leader”

The knowledge industry is facing a tough time retaining its valuable resources who are switching jobs as fast as a Don-Juan changes his gal. All for short-sighted lure of money, and primarily because no-one trustworthy is there to steer them towards the larger Goal; to patiently participate in their career planning helping them weed out the chinks in their armory, correcting their wrong moves; fostering strategic thinking, endurance and value-orientation, and thus making them a real WARRIOR. They don’t need bossy bosses, instead a common friend-philosopher-guide. Perhaps, its time to look beyond the self-proclaimed pedantic management gurus.

”Only the real-world Kautliyas can inspire the to-be Chandraguptas”

Qualities in a Mentor

I still remember a story from my 4th standard moral science syllabus. It goes like this. A father and a six yearold son were playing paratroopers sort-of-a game where in father used to help his son climb an eight feet higher shelf. Then he used to ask him to jump, on which he used to catch the toddler in mid-year. The kid was enjoying every bit of it and on his insistence it was being repeated turn after turn. In one such cycle, as soon as the kid had climbed the shelf, the light goes suddenly goes off and it becomes absolutely pitch dark. The child standing at a place much higher to the ground without a clue how to get down, and not able to get hold of his dad, gets terrified and starts crying. The father tries to reassure the lad, and soothes him not to worry. The child is panic-stricken as he believes that he has lost contact with his father and is confident that even his father is not able to see him. But the father consoles him and says that he can still locate him. He asks his son to jump like in previous cases and promises that he will land safely in his dad’s hands. At first, the kid starts crying on the mention of the idea itself as he is not able to believe that his father can visualize him on the simple reason that he himself cannot see a thing. The father some how assures him to trust his words. The kid though completely unsure, musters courage to follow the instructions and jumps with a fearful shout. True to his father’s words the cub lands completely secured in his pa’s hands. Extremely shuddered from the experience, all tears, he hugs his daddy tightly, and the earth stops in the respect of this moving scene. This lesson somehow struck me in the very first reading and not only because of the touching emotionality involved. More importantly what struck me was the moral of the story “f-e-y-t-h” which fostered courage in the boy and helped in his decision-making. In my opinion, this would have definitely stood out as one of the most important decisions the boy ever took in his whole life. It was not a small decision to make, for him the risk involved was that of his own life. Isn't it? But he rose above his fears and went ahead with the all-fraught-with-risk decision to follow his father’s call. This encounter would have definitely gone a long way in his evolvement as an independent thinker giving him the power to take, the small but important, chances which we are required to take in the course of our life. I for one believe that the boy was lucky to go through this learning experience in his formative years.

The point I want to draw out from the story is that trust is the most important ingredient of a mentoring relationship. Mentor should be capable enough to have the full faith of his subject. Only if the educatee has the belief that his guru has the providence & prospicience to enable him realize his dream, he would follow the latter’s every signal with conviction and gusto. This is what Mahatma did to every indian, who though unsure within about their fight against the english might, followed his moves single-mindedly.

"The potter can transform the valueless clay into the artistic vase, only if the latter trusts his skills and submits its fate to be determined by his hands"

Tho’ in 7th standard, unlike my brothers I still was not very adept when it came to cycling. My uncle had bought a new YAMAHA RX100 and took all three of us for driving class. My brothers soon picked it up but I was just not converting the understanding into action. My uncle stopped the bike and asked me to explain him back the fundamentals like gear numbers, when to release the clutch, how to accelerate, when to change the gear, how to bring the bike back to normal and so forth. I answered the complete driving fundamentals word-by-word. So there was definitely no problem on the theoritical front, still. One thing I noticed that he never got perturbed by my repeated failures, while I myself was feeling very ashamed on not getting it right. Not only ashamed, the thing which was frustrating me was that neither my understanding was incorrect nor was I even a bit fraful of of driving. On the contrary, at that age only I had developed a penchant for bikes. How can you do something wrong which is your passion? We again started the test drive and this time my uncle sat behind me. He quickly noticed that I appeared clumsy when it was required to acclerate slowly and release the clutch parallely. He asked me to halt and then said the following words “Your basics are clear and as you soon zoom to the 80’s once soon after having some-how crossed the first gear, fear on driving front is also ruled out. Now the only thoughthat seems to be bothering you is that while releasing the clutch you are being ultra-conscious not to release the gear intantly so that the bike dosen’t bump-off and fall on acceleration, getting damaged”. Aha! yes, it was this which was actually bothering me and hence preveting me from acting freely. More than concentrating on my biking I was conscious that I should’t be doing anything which would marr the beauty of the new bike even a scratch. He said “Don’t worry if the bike tumbles in the process. Its okay”. That’s it! Learning any skill is more to do with attuning the mind towards the purpose than to with the learning of nitty-gritty. An able mentor should have a complete “n-ó-l-i-j” of his subject, to be able to plug every chink in his armoury and thus making him all-fit for the purpose.

“To perfect judoka’s reflexes, the master must be privy of his instincts”

Bollywood blockbuster BLACK, rightly judged as “triumph over tribulations”, is a very emotive tale of how a teacher helps his protégé firstly by making her believe that she is a normal kid of God like others, by giving her life a much needed purpose, a dream and then finally enabling her to realise that dream. “f-o-r'-b-e-h-r-u-n-s” was the most important trait which made Michelle Mcnully, dubbed as an animal-in-human-form ny her own father, finally gravitate towards Debraj Sahai and accept him as a friend philosopher and adviser. Inspite of Michelle’s dogged reluctance to learn civility, which primarily stemmed from the inferiority complex that she felt thinking herself to be an abondoned child of god who deserves care and sympathy, Debraj never let-up on her. He always had belief in his experience and he knew that his student would one day justify his extraordinary mentoring skills. Finally the gal bowed infront of her teacher’s patience and most importantly, infront of his confidence (in her) that she would tide over her disabilities and secure the place of pride and respect among all. And did she?

“Perseverance surmounts all obstacles. Always!”

After Hansie Chronjie was banned from cricket owing to his alleged involvment in match fixing scandal, South Africa never remained the same team. Shaun Pollock, himself a quality bowler amd an average batsman, was not able to hold the slump in the team’s performances. The best one day side of the 1999 world cup were just not being able to transform their potential into wins and in the 3 years period lost many a games which spoke poorly of the immense talent hoarded. And at last, following the ignominous exit of this host nation from 2003 world cup, where it failed to the qualify for the super sixes, it was decided that enough was enough. South Africa with full backing of coach Eric Simmons effected a change which was a surprise to the whole cricket fraternity and almost first of its kind. Graeme Smith the 22 year old who was not even in the team (world cup)was announced captain. "It is funny. It did come as a huge shock. But I believe I can do the job" summed up the feeling of Smith. But this was a change which according to the coach was necessary for the resurrection of the team’s confidence level and for instilling fresh passion into the boy’s veins. Many thought it not only an act of desecration on part of Pollock and other senior members in the team but also an ambitious move with more probability of spiraling down. But in the hindsight it appears to be a bold decision which has again catapulted the cricketing nation to the number two slot just after the mighty Australians. “v-e-n-c-h-u-r-s-u-m” is one essential attribute that a mentor should possess. His personality should be one who likes to experiment new things with his protégé and hence stretching his capabilities to new high. His daring attitude is sure to rub-off on his disciple and also gives him the courage to back his subject and give him full freedom in plan execution.

“A venturesome heart and a creative mind is must for an Invention”

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Equation of Success

Vision + Action = Goal

This long-familiar equation of success distinctively exhibits the kernel of a mentor-mentee reltionship and share of responsibility between the two. It represnts a string by which both are glued to each other and work cohesively for the fulfillment of one’s goal thus enabling the success of the other. Master works upon the VISION, while the protégé takes the ownership of ACTION. In the boxing ring while the pugilist concentrates upon countering the punches of his opponent, the coach focuses on spotting and analysing the strengths & weaknesses of the two, devising the next viable tactic and advising his pupil accordingly. Said differently, mentor primarily has the larger picture in mind while the mentee looks into the details. One looks after formulating a effective plan and the other works towards implementing it efficiently. Its more of a Strategist-Performer combination. Krishna and Arjuna shared the same chemistry in The Mahabharata. It was not just by incident that the all-wise Krishna plays the role of the charioteer while skillfull Arjuna acts as the destroyer.Its Krishna who decides which way to turn the chariot, its he who studies the situation with calmness while his parth is immersed in the war and keeps dropping timely advises as to when to use what weapon and which tactic to be applied when. Its like a formidable combination of Mind and Muscle, similar to what Kautilya-Chandragupta effected with perfection. He also helps Arjuna to be all motivated by reminding him of his purpose and not letting his enthusiasm or conviction slacken even a wee tot.
This segregation of duty is not unwitting but strictly by design and in line with horses for courses principle. Guru outfited with Wisom from his past experiences to many a similar situations and equipped with matured qualities like forbearance, calmness of mind, analyzing skills, etc, which come with age is better placed to contrive the strategy. On the other hand, the young disciple is all charged up with unbridled energy needed for execution of tough tasks, also the young bones and fresh grey cells make him the idle choice to respond to the signals with alacrity and speed. From the succession planning angle too it becomes natural for the learner to pass on his learnings to the next able hands so that progressive human kind never stops.

Stages of Mentoring

Mentoring like any other relationship is a process which takes its own time to blossom and fructify. It too can be broadly demarcated into diferent phases to maturity.

Identification. It is the stage where in the Mentor identfies the Mentee whom he thinks is has the potential to be groomed into a future leader. It can also be the other way, like the story of eklavya and dronacharya, where the protégé himself identifies one as his guru whom he thinks has the wherewithal to help him actualize his ambition. Refering to the examples stated above we can relate it to “Kautilya impressed by the young Chandragupta’s judgement in the game where he in the role of king adjudicates over a tricky trial with pefection, decides to transform him into the future king of Magadh.

Engagement. Its is the phase where the mentor or the mentee makes a request to establish a purposeful relationship. Here, the expectation setting is done, the objectives are discussed, one appraises the other and its analysed whether the two can form a formidable team. In real life it dosent happpen formally. Most of the times, both the inetersetd parties meet as destined by the fate either because they both are in the similar profession or happen to meet on account of other prime reasons. Like in Black, when Debraj is formally appointed as Michelle’s tutor, he reads her total case history, gains a knowledge of her likes, dislikes and habits, and then insists on having a on-to-one meeting with th gal. Or like in Mahabharata, when Arjuna goes to Krishna for soliciting his services.

Learning. This is a stage where both the parties after having agreed upon to work together chart out their action plan and start the action. In the whole span of a mentoring relation ship this stage is the one which forms about 50% of total. Strategies are formulated, preparation is done, new techniques are experimented, failures are dissected and wins are celebrated. This is the period which sees the transformation of the rookie into a full-groomed leader. This is also the phase where relationship between the participants deepens. Mentoring is not like tution, here not just professional but personal involvement is also huge. Infact all mentors have happened to be assumed the role of a friend, counsellor and at times colleague. If we analyse Sachin Tendulkar’s cricketing career, one can say that 1996 world cup actually established Sachin as the leader in the cricket world and thus, in a way marked his graduation from the learning phase. After this Ramakant Achrekar would have become confident that Sachin can now take his destiny in his own hands.

Transition. This phase starts when after a good stint of successful leadership, the mentee is all set to assume the role of a mentor. When NRN decided to handover the mantleship of CEO to Nandan, he actually entered this phase. This was a clear succession planning move where in NRN’s role was designed to be that of the consellor. Similarly, in 1999 when Sachin denied any interest in captaincy and Sourav assumed the charge, he actually , though not by design, moved into the role to model the young bloods like Sehwag, Yuvraj, etc.

Success. Though, it can be argued that its clear that success has already been achieved, on the line of thnking “History judges the greatness of a King by the type of successor he leaves” in my opinion the duty of a leader is complete after he has come full circle. That is after he has passed on the knowledge, enriched by his own new challenging experiences, to the mentee below.

Value of Mentoring

In my opinion it’s the need of the hour for business organisations to institutionalise the culture of Mentoring in its people development / management practices. In fact as a measurable parameter it should be part of its core strategy. This is particularly relevant in Indian context as the ecnonmic plateau of the country has opened up and there is a rivalry to cap the nations young skilled human resources. Especially in knowledge industry where almost every big global name in the world has established a kiosk in India and is luring the talent away from the indigenous companies in the same sector by offering higher perks. I don’t say there is anything wrong with this law of economics, but the problem is when anxiety kicks in and swapping job becomes a fashion. It becomes a big concern for corporates as replacement of every void created not only consumes the recruitment cost, but most importantly the work-continuity gets hampered, the planning so far done needs to be looked over again, sometimes if the employee is a senior member and is privy to a lot of confidential company information, losing it to a competitor may have adverse consequences. Here mentoring comes as an aid in soothing people’s concerns and re-inforcing their faith in the organisation. More importanly than addressing the retrenchment problem, mentoring helps in seeping the company’s code of conduct to its deepest roots. It helps in everyone being conscious of the organization’s ethics and vision. It helps each member to remain bonded to the group and in synch with the thought. It helps in fostering the thinking of “One Team”.

I would like to take an example here. Whoever has learnt bicycle would definitely agree with me that one of the most difficult lessons (in cycle riding) used to be how to keep pedalling below and yet have the head straight & eyes focused on the road ahead. Initially, as we start learning we tend to focus our eyes on our feet as to whether we are hitting the pedal right or wrong. This makes us fall once or twice and its is then that we realise pedaling is a very easy task, main thing is keeping an eye on the direction. Once we have perfected the art of keeping our head straight, while we unconciously keep hitting the pedal right, we soon learn how to apply breaks once we s-e-e any obstacle ahead. But the most important thing was to perfect the art of having the road-ahead in the sight while continuing to move. This was mentoring does. It enlightens the mind of all the members of an organisation with the larger picture in mind while carrying out their day-to-day activities.

Below are some excerpts from internet highlighting the benefits of Mentoring:

Here are some remarkable improvements reported by manangers who use a mentor to coach them along in their business practices: (a) Working relationships with direct reports (reported by 77% of executives); (b) Working relationships with immediate supervisors (71%); (c) Teamwork (67%); (d) Working relationships with peers (63%); (e) Job satisfaction (61%); (f) Reduction of conflict (52%): (g) Organizational commitment (44%); and (h) Working relationships with clients (37%). Source : http://www.isiglobal.org/coaching.htm

According to Andrew Mecca of the California Mentor Foundation--A study performed by Public Private Ventures found that youth experienced a 52% rate of reduction in absenteeism and improved school performance. The "Sponsor A Scholar Program" in Philadephia found that mentored youth had higher grades in the 10th and 11th grades and were more likely to enroll in college. Little Brothers and Little Sisters matched with mentors were 46% less likely to start using illegal drugs. They were also 27% less likely to start drinking alcohol. Teen pregnancy was also reduced to 1.1% in mentoring programs as compared to 26% for peers. Delinquent youth in mentoring programs reduced recidivism by 65-75%. Mentored youth in the Big Brothers/ Big Sisters program were 34% less likely to hit someone. In California, the percentage of dropouts in mentored youth is half of that in the general population of youth. The rate of drug use in mentored youth is less than half of what is reported in the statewide student survey. Source: http://www.islandnet.com/~rcarr/mentquestarch.html#question23
Successful Mentoring stories in sports field can be found at: http://www.mentors.ca/mp_sports.html

Working Model

“Theory that dosen’t work is a nuisance-value-add to the mind”

Many an organisation in today’s world have awaken to the importance of mentoring and have already started identifying Tier-I or Tier-II level of people to be mentored as next generation leaders. Well its definitely a move in the right direction, but what I propose here is to have a model that makes the mentoring as inherent aspect of the culture. To connect people at all levels, may be the proportion of time and energy spent on different strata may vary according to the needs, but yes, everyone should be tried to rope in.

“One CONFIDENT face with many RESOURCEFUL hands completes the personality of A TEAM”

M - O - D - E - L

Structure

§ Strategic Unit heads to mentor Practice Unit Heads.
§ IBU Heads to mentor all the Divisional Heads in all their respective PUs.
§ PU Head to mentor all the project Managers with in its unit.
§ Divisional Heads to mentor all the Project Analysts / Team leads in its division.
§ The project manager to mentor all the Module Leads in its project
§ Team Leads to mentor all the software developers in its team.

Action Plan

§ Mentoring Cycle of every quarter.
§ Every quarter each mentor to plan a workshop of 4 hours for his Mentees.
§ The workshop to deliberate on corporate vision, PU level goals, career planning tips.
§ The outcomes to be logged for analysis.

Basically the idea is to develop mentoring skills in all people from Team lead and above and to involve each and every member of the organisation. It gives the members an idea of the future so that they can focus on their present with future g:)al in sight.

Epilogue: This was written for 'Concept-Germination-Challenge'.

Brand Building

[Brand Consciousness - Customer Angle]

I-N-F O-rmation S-Y-S-tems is an inseparable part(ner) of Infosys which facilitates its operational efficiency and thus helps its client experience customer delight. Given the importance a business enabling function in any industry in any sphere holds, it wouldn’t be an overstatement to call it the pith-and-marrow of this fast-becoming multinational technology conglomerate.

Yes, we don’t bring business. No objection, milord. But to the contestation that we are not the bread winner, I emphatically retort we enable the business execution smoothly. We provide the DNAs ampersand RNAs which helps our company announce a healthier below-the-line figure every quarter and an expanding reach every year. In every progressive step that Infy decisively takes, in every milestone that it industriously achieves and in every accolade that it deservedly earns, there is an invisible but undeniable hand of IS. We are the heart which provides Infy the confidence to dream big!

One crucial and self-contradictory myth which we, perchance unwittingly, live-with is that our’s is not a client facing PU. On the contrary the verity is that we live amidst our client, akin to the syllogism ‘it’s not the space that exists in the room rather it’s the room that exists in the space’. Every Infoscion, in a way, is our client. Whether it’s a greenhorn receiving his 1st sal-slip, or one of the Directors analysing the financial numbers, each one of them is our customer. And so what does it mean to leave with one’s customer? It demands an inherent professionalism and an ever-ready customer friendly attitude. On top of it the reality that ‘Infosys is one of the fastest growing corporations’ necessitates upon us ‘Kuiq Service’. We perform in one of the most challenging environments and face one of the most demanding customers. It’s only when we start treating our client the way they would like to be treated that the latter will value our service. In what ever way we engage them, the impression delivered ought to be suffused with interest, understanding and care.

When Vignesh (onsite, EMEA) faces a problem with ‘ILITE’ he naturally asks me to help him out. Now being a BSD4ian I am understandably unaware of the technicalities and so can easily excuse myself and let the poor soul struggle. But if I nudge myself a bit, and try to mull over the reason which gave him the expectation to seek my help, it dawns upon me the fact that ‘I represent my PU’ here and so it behoves on me to help ‘my client’ in what ever way I can. So, what do I do? I promptly call up my erst-for-a-while colleague for the person in-charge of the concerned system, and forward the details to the needy. I agree that I did not move the atlas, but credit-me-or-not, I certainly gave him a comfort feeling and in doing so, has definitely a-bit lightened up the image of an ISian. Whether we believe it or not, whether we realise it or not, whether we appreciate it or not, each one of us is an AMBASSADOR of IS. And rightly so, it entails upon us to act like a consummate professional that will reflect credit on IS and us. It is an irrefutable truism that in services sector, nothing can improve a service provider’s brand than the opinion of its customer. The sooner we realise it the better we are.

It is upon us now to give our client the reason to make IS a brand that speaks for itself. It’s time to become conscious of and to value the brand IS, and strive in what ever little way, to contribute to it. Only then we warrant an attitude of “Better show some respect to the brand, eh?” J:)

Courtesy: An ISian.

Epilogue: This article was written for IS Brand building while I was in UK (WGC) and posted to ISTeam on 17th Feb 06.

Art-of-Love-Making
[Come on, ..make the bAbEs run for U..]

I have come across many a boys who are not forlorn but definitely lovelorn, almost desperate to make any gal 'his gal'. It has much to do about the socio-economic conditions of India. Yes, unlike west, here still having a girl friend can make other guys envious of you. Though I myself don’t have any gal friend and infact not even a close friend who is a gal, I have comprehended the pyschology of it. Yes, it definitely is an art in its own. I am cent percent sure that if you follow it success will walk a few steps closer to you.


Why, am I doing it. Partly, because I feel love & friendship is the greatest religion of the world. And its perfectly natural for a boy to harbour tender feelings for the opposite sex. That's the intention of the nature. So, I am in a way helping to the nature's cause. Besides, because I conform to the view of Khushwant singh, that the rising incidence of crimes in India can be attributed to the sexual frustration. Yes, the more you talk about something, the more you experience something, the more tolerant and informed you become. Sex is not a taboo thing, unlike what they have all this while wanted us to believe. Its one of the most natural things.

So here my friend is the mantra of making gal frnds.

Are you familiar with Kite-Flying? Most of the Asians must be aware of it. I proclaim, "Art-of-love-making is akin to Art-of-kite-flying". In other word, making friendship with a gal is as simple and as tough as Kite-Flying.

Be Witty to the Kitty
Gal usually like to be in a company of a street-smart talker. Who can relate to her understanding level and yet make her happy with his repartee. It in now way means that you need to be a scholar. Nope. Believe me, if you try to show-off her by being too pedantic, you may actually put her off. Your talk must be fun-filled and light-witted. Also, you need to have a bit of understanding of how open is she her in views. In case she is open-minded, you can be on a song with her soon. But incase she is a bit prudish, you also should keep the burqa on your innate desires, till you gain her trust.


Enjoy yourself and be natural. If your demeanour keeps reflecting the thing which is going in your mind - "all men want one thing" - forget friendship, it may earn you even ill-repute among the women. Not even a hint should be there that you are a despo. Someone said that gals have sixth sense, yes its partly true, so you have to put up an act as if its natural for you to banter with gals and that they enjoy your companionship. "You can fool one person one day, one person every day, every person one day but you will not be able to fool every person every day". Its correctly said and has relevance in our context as well. You cannot pretend to be witty long, if you are not. And no one likes pretension, more so the gals. So you have to be perfectly natural. The key is to Njoy Urself.

Improving your communication skills would always gain you some brawny points. Try to be a bit of poetic and artistic in your talks. Humour is one thing which rings the bell in every heart.

Razzle dazzle 'em
Praise the gal. Remember, no matter how much a gal says that she does not like vacuous praises, she actually craves for nothing but to be praised. It does not mean that if some one is very fat, you compare her with Jennifer Aniston. You need to leave a little room of hopeless hope. Like you can very well say 'Oh ooh, you remind me of cute renee zellweger in Bridget Jones' Diary'. Take care that you dont mock her physical looks. It would be like shooting in your foot. You need to walk a very tight rope. So be a bit of realistic in your flowery comments. And yes, dont sound soporific. Talk should be every time a bit new. Like every time you say that 'Oh ooh, you remind me of cute Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones' Diary' it would actually piss her off giving yourself the impression of a dumb insincere crow. Ergo, vary the color, flow and content, but stick to the idea. No matter how unabashed it is, she would actually believe it or would like to believe it. And if she herself doubts it, the more she will find reasons to come near you, to actually get convinced of it. This hypothesis is inspired by the thought 'every time a woman sees the mirror, she finds her comparatively less attractive'. I have myself tested it and I found it kicking.

'Just Friends': This two words are very powerful no matter how much hollow it may in reality sound. Most of the friendship between a gal and a boy starts with the statement 'Lets be friends, just-friends'. This is actually a sign of assurance that her privacy would be completely protected and honoured. Females value their privacy and share it only with their most trusted ones. This is actually your goal. But only-eyeing-the-goal might frighten her.

'Every-Little-Matters' so never let go out-of-hand, the slightest of opportunity to show that you genuinely care for her. No matter how much trivial a thing it occurs to you, express it genuinely. Like she wore a new dress, compliment on it, 'hey, you look cool in this outfit, or that the dress grows on you very well' You can also go a bit extra mile by saying that 'You look gorgeous' - but this should be conveyed covertly, else she might feel embarrassed.

If she has undergone a hairstyle change, find time and occassion to tell her it has come out very well . Infact if it actually is stupid, it helps your case as you would be one of the very fews whom she would like to hear to belie her self Be wary to notice the small acts of her smartness and exaggerate it every bit in praise. Given that gals themselves give very few praise-worthy chances, you should be on your toe to spot them first and congratulate her.
Sometimes when she herself is not giving any such chances, marinate any particular act of her, pepper it, spice it and then present it to her as if it was something very intelligent you have come across. Make her believe that her folly is one the rarest upstanding traits noticed. If you are able to do it, it would be like a shot in the arm. Some guys can be so perspicuous to actually notice every different ear lobe the gal wears. It gives two cardinal impressions, one that you have an eye for the detail and the other that so much you care for her.


Show some respect too, eh?
Have you heard of this line - 'I admire you and respect you for every
bit of the pesron you are. I love you for what you are, as-it-is'. This line has made many romantic movies become super duper hit and even today can make every lovely heart warm. Most of the times we believe that it is love which is the most important ingredient of any healthy relationship. Its wrong. Respect comes first. Whether its friendship, companionship, marriage, etcetera, respect always should take prominance over love. A relationship full of love but sans of respect is doomes to fail in the log run, but lovelorn relationship strengthened by mutual respect will stand its test of time. You need to be very careful on this. It just doesnt mean that you need to be a sycophant. In fact you can point her slight weaknesses but it should be done in privacy, with a humour, and with caution that it doesn’t hurt her. If you manage to do it, you are close to be bracketed in 'close friends'.

Hey, you must be wondering didnt had not guy initially said that 'taking the gal for a ride' is tantamount to Kite-Flying. Yes, I admit. So till now whatever you have is seen is the part of the play where you give lee-way to the Kite and help it gain more height. In hindi its called 'dheel dena', meaning letting the Kite do whatever it wants to do and also, helping it. But if you keep on letting it giving the freedom, it would get lost or come down. So, you need to control it by pulling in. This action presses the Kite against the air and so, now if its let-off a bit, the force from air will propel it more. In a similar vein, in the art of love making its required that you let-off and pull-in as and when required.
Till now, what we discussed was 'letting-off' part where in the gal was made to feel as the princess with every tantrums, every 'nakhreyn', every demand of her being given its over-due respect. This is the phase of courtship. But this seldm gets heady and the gal may become over-demanding. The end result is that she may start dis-respecting you thinking that she is your world. These are the times when you need to remind her that she is just one in your big world. At times, if you have become very emtionally involved with the gal, it may become real tough. You need to follow path of non-attachment here. Show her that you dont give a monkey shit to her if ever, she shows that she dosent care of you. Dont worry, nothing to fear that she would go away from you or may be run away to any other guy. No. Nothing of that sort will happen. Gals take time to become friendly but once she has, she takes even more time to become break it. And, shh .. a secret, every gal wants a boy who is wanted by all. They feel coveted of the possession. So, at times you need to show that you have other
female friends who can keep you company and that you are in no way a despo. Remember, all this should not be explicitly said or overtly displayed. It is a fine art to make her feel that how much you are wanted by others but that you give much attention to her. Now, if she asks why? you need to say 'You like her'. And that you think that she can be a good friend of yours. That's it. This is what you are doing, making her believe that she has found a treasure (too expensive to be lost) and one, that cares for you.

Peeping Tom
A very important step and maye be the most effectual. As you spend time with her try to get as many personal secrets out of her as possible. So try to listen to her problems, her past experiences and her feelings. On (many) occassions it may drive you crazy inside, and all may sound insanily gushy-mushy. But hey, try to feel it or pretend that you are actually feeling it. Dont over-act or over-react. And when asked to judge her past demeanours, always some how vindicate her. Even if its her folly, make her feel that she did the best she could and it was all fine. The more secrets you are able to wriggle out of her, the more she would begin trusting you and the more dependent she becomes on you. But hold on, don’t you press her to reveal her secrets. This may feel her circum-suspect of your intentions. Some times as time goes she would herself start revealing it, else you can nudge her in midst of some other talks, without letting her sense that you are on the prowl of her secrets. Also, a better way would be to make the move first. Share all your past experiences and make it believe true. This gives her an assurance that the boy his every thing and assures her that you actually consider her to be a close confidante.

Cited above are the ammunitions which would make you capable of striking a positive note with the opposite sex soon. Now its time to move from the starter to the main-course.

[An arcanum] “single gals go after money, married ones after true-love. And, very difficult to snare just-married ones”.

You need to strategise based upon the history of the game you are eyeing. Its just like picking the apt horses for the right courses.

Below I elaborate upon four broad type into which ‘game-of-your-hunt’ may fit into:

<0> Single and up-for-catch: Difficulty rating - 7/10.
The difficulty rating is 7/10 because the demand is high. Its not that gals per se
dont have an inclination for the guys, but because there are too much of sought-afters which pushes the ask-rate up. But then its a level playing field and a true competitor will accept the challenge.

<0> Single but engaged: Difficulty rating - 8/10.
Here, as the gal is already engaged, I must admit that you are a late starter. But still you have chances. If its an to-be engaged marriage, the hope still remains. So, start hunting by being 'just friend', become privy of her consent towards this planned marriage and then strategise accordingly. Remember, dont get impatient , if she finally gets married, and do something stupid which ultimately unviels your clandestine goals. Let it go, and pretend that you are happy for her. By this, you still have the a very potent chance of 'Extra Marital Affairs'. And the task may become easy if her marriage finally proves to be a disaster. Keep-in-mind, one man's failure is other man's opportunity. And nothing is bad, at all. In reality, you are just trying to satisfy the most basic need of a human being and inturn yours. And you deserve it, after all you worked so much hard for it. Yeah.


<0> Married for sometime: Difficulty rating - 6/10.
Its the easiest pray you can get. Keep note, no one is happily married. And more so, gals. Its said that gals reach the peak of their sexual urges in 30s and as most of them get married in their 20s, the fruit remains unattended when 'plum ripe'. The fun and enthu of marriage life vanishes by the end of second year. And what keeps them going is the sense of responsibility, kids, societal pressures, moral bearings and yes, less demand in the market.
So, here is the hopeful hope for you. The ultimate possible possibility. And the first step is ‘the kids’. Make them friendly with yourself. Every time the kids run after you, chances are their mumma would come after. So, what are you waiting for?, time for action. But hey, dont you jump on. Remember, first strategy and then clinical execution.

<0> Just Married: Difficulty rating 9/10.
Oh man!, the task here is definitely carved out. The gals in her whole life time look the most radiantly beautiful when just-married. After all, dont you look content when you are sexually satisfied. This is the time when, all this while pent-up reservoir of energy finds its natural path to flow freely. So they look brimming with energy and thus, more sexually-seductively-temptingly-irresistibly-overwhelmingly-fleshly-provocatively-arousingly magnetic. Its okay, if you got wet and orgasm-craving. Boy, its the most difficult rated game not for nothing.

“A good impression on a gal is always a good investment. You never know, when you get the return”.

Epilogue: Wrote it, just for fun. Hope you enjoyed it!